#BeBodyKind

Happy Friday my lovelies and welcome to my second post for mental health awareness week! 

The theme for this year's mental health awareness week is 'Body Image - how we think and feel about our bodies' and that's the topic of today's post. In a world of social media, the struggle with body image can be even harder and I think it is so important to create a dialogue where we can share our stories and support each other.

Like most teenagers, I really struggled with body image. I have always been a little curvier than most girls and I didn't understand why all my friends were slimmer than me. I 'blossomed' pretty early and remember hating how big my chest and hips were. I basically spent my entire teenage years trying to hide my body. I wouldn't dare wear anything that showed my figure and based my entire wardrobe around what made me look the slimmest. I distinctly remember going to the pool with my friend once and making a real effort to go from taking off my clothes to jumping in the pool as quickly as possible so nobody would see me in my swimming costume. I must have been about 15 at the time.

At 17 years old I then got chronically ill and spent a significant amount of the next 2 years essentially being bedridden. My body was struggling, I couldn't partake in much physical activity, even going for a walk was a struggle, and my relationship with food was pretty unhealthy too. Over those years I put on a ton of weight. Between the inactivity, poor eating habits and the physical stress of being so unwell, my body was shot. Once I had finished my treatment, it still took about a year before my body began to strengthen more and it wasn't until a year after that (the start of this year), that some of the weight started to come off. However, it was probably this last year that marked a turning point in my relationship with my body. Now I still have some way to go, but I can gladly say that right now, I love my body, despite its many floors. I consciously decide every single day that I love my body and all it does for me. Some days it is hard to love my body, and I just have to say 'today I don't like my body, but I'm still going to love it anyway', and sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't, and that is okay. Self-love is work and it's a journey but trust me you will get there.

Over this last year, I have discovered a few little tips and tricks that have helped me strengthen my relationship with my body and thought I would share them in case you want to give them a go. 

1. Have a social media cleanse.

Social media is wonderful and terrible all at once. It's full of inspiration and connection while also constantly filling your mind with the 'highlight reel' of everyone else who is more successful, prettier, happier or whatever other lies it spins. For me, Instagram was an issue as I was constantly looking at these flawless women who looked nothing like me. One day, I decided I'd had enough and I went through and unfollowed anybody whose posts made me unhappy. Guess what? You can do that! It doesn't mean their profile is bad, it just means you're proactively cutting out the negativity in your life. Once you've done this, I'd recommend following some accounts that inspire self-love and acceptance. One of my favourites at the moment is @i_weigh (an incredible movement by Jameela Jamil all about loving yourself and valuing yourself for more than your looks).

2. Prioritise self-care.

Taking time to care for yourself both mentally and physically does wonders for strengthening your relationship with yourself. Personally, some of my favourite ways include doing a face-mask, painting my nails, doing yoga, meditating and doing my hair. It completely depends on you and how you're feeling that day, but taking some time to look after and care for your body really helps you to connect with it. For me, seeing my body as something I have (that I can look after and care for) rather than something I am (and all I am) made a huge difference in how I view and love myself. 

3. Consciously choose gratitude.

Gratitude is immense in helping my mental health and this stems down to self-love. I am pretty sure there have been studies showing just how beneficial gratitude can be and I have definitely felt the effects in my own life too. With regard to accepting my body, once I shifted my mind to a space of gratitude for my body, things really shifted. Now, this was really hard for me at first because I was mad at my body. It had gotten ill and that illness had taken my life away from me at the time, so my body and I were not on speaking terms. However, starting small, I managed to build this up to being well and truly grateful for my body and all it has done for me. If you're just starting out, I would recommend just trying, every morning as you're getting ready for the day, to look in the mirror and tell yourself 3 things you are grateful for about your body (bonus points if you can do this naked- yet it feels weird but weirdly empowering). It can be anything big or small, but I personally find it's better to try and avoid surface level things (such as 'I am so grateful for my legs because they are so slim') because you want to try and distance your relationship with your body from that sense of value from looks. 

4. Give yourself some time

My final tip is simply to give yourself some time. Forgive yourself when you slip up and allow yourself some time. No good relationship can be formed overnight and it is no different than your relationship with your body. Keep making those conscious decisions to connect with yourself and over time that relationship will grow and strengthen.

I think the common misconception with self-love is that in order to love your body, it has to be perfect. You have to be the right weight and toned in all the right areas and it has to be healthy and then we can love our body. We will love our body when we look like this/ when I feel like this/ when this has happened. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn't really work like that. Self-love really truly comes from the inside and it takes work and perseverance and persistence. But you know the great thing about that? You can start right now. 

Let's start right this second. Tell me one thing you absolutely love about your body, something you are so grateful for. For me, I really love my legs and I am so grateful for everything they allow me to do. Without them, I couldn't dance or walk around the lake or do yoga. They are not the strongest or slimmest or longest but I love them just as they are.

Daily steps to boost your mental health.

Happy mental health awareness week my lovelies!

Did you know that approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year? That's a quarter of the entire UK!

(Mind.org.uk)

Personally, I tend to keep my mental health pretty private (not saying this is necessarily a good thing) and so I haven't really touched much on the topic on my blog. I haven't been diagnosed with a mental disorder but over the last few years, I have definitely become much more aware of my mental health and been working to try and improve it. With that being said, I thought today I would share some super easy, yet very effective, steps I take every day to boost, maintain and manage my mental health. A little disclaimer: These are just things that have worked for me and doesn't necessarily mean they will work for you. Everybody is different and you may find other ways that work better for you. Keep searching!

1. Get outside.

I am almost certain you will have heard this before, but for a good reason! I am such a country girl and being in nature almost immediately shifts my mental space to a much calmer and happier place. Recently, I have been trying to get into the habit of forcing myself outside when I feel myself spiralling. Just an aimless walk outside, to focus on my breathing, maybe listen to some music, really helps bring my focus to the moment and away from whatever has sparked my spiral.

2. Utilise those first few hours of the day.

Have you ever heard the phrase, 'win the morning, win the day'? Personally, my morning can really set the tone for my day, and using those first few hours to set the tone, immediately makes the rest of my day a little easier. For me, this might involve avoiding my phone, listening to some happy music, going for a walk, planning my day or a bit of yoga and meditation. You can find what works for you and just spend those hours allowing your brain to breathe before you start the day.

3. Connect with your body.

You can interpret this in whatever way suits you. This can range from physical to emotional to mental and how you perceive this may depend on the day too! Physically this could be going to the gym, a dance class, perhaps a little yoga. Emotionally you may want to try journalling or creating some form of art. Mentally this could include meditation. I personally like to try to incorporate something from each section, but some days you may feel the need to prioritise one area more than another. Take each day as it comes. I just find that connecting with my body helps me process my thoughts and feelings and helps me become more present too.

4. Find your mantra's.

As with everything else, you have to find what works for you here. I find it so beneficial to have a mantra or two that I can call upon when I find my mental health struggling. If I find myself feeling overwhelmed, anxious or just not right, repeating a little mantra to myself can help bring me back to the present moment and help shift my thoughts to a more logical space. My favourite mantra at the moment is 'You are here, in this moment, just living your life'. Even typing it now makes me feel a little better. Find your own mantra that connects to you and reminds you of what you need to focus on.

5. Make time for the little things.

We all have those little things in life that bring us joy and sometimes we need to schedule in time to enjoy them before life gets too busy. This could be playing the piano, painting a picture, reading a novel, gardening, playing on the trampoline, whatever it may be! I personally would try to avoid anything too techy, such as a video game, as having that separation has made such an impact on my mental health. 

So there we have my 5 simple steps to boost your mental health. It can seem a little overwhelming reading it all in a list like this, but I recommend taking them one step at a time. This week, maybe try to get outside every day, just for a week. Even a walk around the block can help. After a week, did you feel a difference? Now the next week, you could make a real effort to utilise your mornings. Just go from there!

Mental health affects all of us and whether you suffer from a disorder or not, I think we could all benefit from implementing a few daily steps to boost, maintain or manage our mental health.

Do you have any daily steps you take for self-care?

A blogmas fail and a happy new year.

I guess this is going to be my first post of 2019. I love my blog and I was really feeling like 2019 was going to be the year I dedicated to my blog, but unfortunately life has had a different idea.

Firstly let me say how gutted I am that I failed at Blogmas 2018. This was my first ever attempt at Blogmas and honestly, considering my troubles with consistency, the fact I made it to day 11 was pretty impressive to me. Here is a little explanation as to why I failed (in the wonderful words of some well known person, it is only a failure if you fail to learn from it). Firstly, shiz got busy. I finished my Autumn semester on the 14th of December and that final week was busy. I had an assignment to stress over and bags to pack and socialising to do (because we made it through our first semester woooo!) and I was ill (more on that in a minute) and something had to drop. That something unfortunately being Blogmas. However, I really did love doing Blogmas and already am getting excited at the thought of trying it again this year. 

Now lets talk health. I have been pretty open with my health on my blog over the last few years as I have had my fair share (arguably more than my fair share) of struggles. Well, here we are facing another health struggle. This is the primary reason for my lack of blogging lately and why I almost didn't write this post. So here is my issue. I have had a headache everyday for 80 days straight. Along with these joyous headaches I would get vision problems. Then, on Boxing Day, I woke up with the headache, my eyes had gone funny and well, it's been that way ever since. Before, the headaches while annoying and a little concerning, were not consistent. Today is day 12 of my consistent headache and vision problems. There has not been one minute in the last 12 days that my head has not hurt and no medication is even touching it. It gets worse at certain points in the day. I get pretty bad nausea. My eyes are struggling and I just don't feel like myself. It's pretty scary stuff and has totally taken over my life.

Along with exams to revise for and assignments due, you can probably see why I have been struggling. Looking back at my past heath issues, I wish I had documented more. I was worried I would come off as whiney or dramatic or attention seeking, and so I held back until a good way into my health issues. While I don't know how serious or long lasting these current health issues will be compared to my Lyme journey (hopefully not as long!!!) I still want to document it. I want to document more of my life on here. The good, the bad and everything in-between.

However, this presented me with an issue. I want to blog and I want to document my life more vulnerably, but physically I am not in a place to be giving my blog the time and energy it requires for my posts to be of a good quality. So I was left with a question; do I blog at a lower quality than I would like or do I give blogging a break until my health is improved? 

I have been giving it a lot of thought and considering why I started blogging in the first place, have decided to just try upload some shabby posts. It breaks my heart a little but it won't be forever, and I know I will be grateful for these posts in the future. 

Now how was that for a long, chatty ramble.

I hope you're all slaying the new year and if you're not, be kind to yourself and try again tomorrow.

Peaks and valleys my friends, peaks and valleys.

Sick tips for Uni. | Blogmas 2018 | Day 4

Everybody has at least one area of their life that has been or are lacking. I had a great childhood. My parents support and love me endlessly. My siblings are my ride or dies and I have a good few solid friends who know me better than I know myself. Now that's not to say everything is perfect, but I have been pretty lucky with regards to all that. My downfall is my health, particularly in the last 3 or 4 years. Things are definitely better than before but my health still brings a lot of struggle into my life. (I'm actually working on a health update at the moment so keep your eyes peeled for that post if you're interested in my health journey!) With that said, todays post is dedicated to my top tips and tricks on how to deal with being sick while at Uni (or school or work or basically just life haha).

*Future Holly interjection*
I wrote this yesterday and I think I may be psychic because I woke up SO SICK! So as I sit here in bed with my pouding head as I try not to puke, I guess its time to follow my own advice! Anyway, back to past Holly...

Uni is essentially a germ pool where you spend 20% of your time getting sick, 60% of your time being unwell and the other 20% feeling like you're just about to come out the other end of it before we go right back to square one. Unless I have suddenly lost my ability to do maths, thats 100% of your time feeling under the weather. Now my extremely scientific and accurate results here are purely based of my experience of 1st semester and with my poor excuse of an immune system, it may no be applicable to everyone. That being said, the general concensous seems to be that you get sick alot at uni and unfortunately you don't get a say in the matter. So, as a very professional and experienced sick person, here are my sick tips for Uni... see what I did there... sick tips. Such comedy gold.

Tip 1. Remember that your health ALWAYS COMES FIRST.
Now this comes in at number one becuause it really is the most important one. If there is one thing that I have learnt over the last few years, it is the sheer importance of your health and what happens when you don't make that a priority. Let me tell you, it is not a pretty picture. Health is the centre of everything and poor health can affect every aspect of your life. When my health was at its worse I couldn't attend school, couldn't hold a job, I had to drop all my hobbies besides reading (which even then I couldn't do as much), I felt like I lost my friends, my anxiety got worse, my whole life just came to a crashing halt. Now this is a real extreme example but if you refuse to prioritise your health, there is a real possibility you could be heading to much more serious health issues. If you are sick, your priority is to be healthy again. Above everything, is your health. If you need an extension, ask for it. If your health is coming in between studies, talk to your tutor. Your health is first and any decent Uni should understand that too.

Tip 2. Do the boring healthy things
Yes, I know they are boring. They are dull and time consuming and generally not that enjoyable but there is a reason these things get repeated so often. Up the fruit and vegetable intake. Reduce the sugar intake (and I personally find reducing dairy and gluten help speed up the healing process). Drink tons of water. Take your vitamins/supplements (I personally live by Doterras -contact my mamma for more info- and blame my inconsistancy with them for the decline in my health after months of being my healthiest in years). Get some fresh air. Excersice regularly to help avoid getting sick in the first place. You know these things but somehow we forgot to do them still. Probably because its not fun, but hey you know what else isn't fun? Getting sick. Go eat an apple. (Please, you can get one in the reduced section!)

Tip 3. Manage stress!
Again, this is likely something you have heard before. Stress is bad. But, this is actually something that while I knew, I have really come to understand a little more recently, and actually I am so interested in the physcial responses to stress and just how much it can impact us. There is this fabulous video by SciShow Psych ft. Hank Green which I think summarises it all quite nicely and gives you a great insight into the power of stress - deffo reccomend giving this a cheeky watch if you've got a spare 5 mins. While we all know stress doesn't feel good, there is a good chance that its contributing to why you got sick or even why you're struggling to recover properly. This is something I am working on right now as I am a very highly strung person who is basically anxious like 78% of the time. But, what I have found useful so far is journaling, music, gentle exercise and meditiation. I do these things somewhat sporadically and think I might try a little week long experiment to see how these techniques work in practice, any body interested in that? The point is, these are all things you can incorperate into your life, even as a busy Uni student.

Tip 4. Be a lazy potato
If you are sick, you need to rest. Its annoying and inconvenient but that's just the way it is. 1 day of responsible rest will always beat a week of recovery after refusing to achknowledge your need to rest. Try and attend lectures if you can but there will be other socials. The FOMO at uni is so real but in some ways, that works to your advantage here. There is always so much going on, that is is garunteed you can find something to do once youre well enough. Lie down, sleep and rest.

Apologies if you were hoping for something revolutionary here, but the truth is that with health, there are no short cuts. It takes effort and perserverance and self dicipline but it is so worth it becasue when your'e healthy you can really live your best life.

Do you have any secret health tips? (Please tell me because I need them all)

Hope you have a lovely day and I will speak to you tomorrow,

P.S- Get well soon!

Fractured Feet and Uni Struggles

Hello my beautiful blog, it's been a hot minute (anybody else just realising how weird of a saying that is?) and boy have a missed you!

Since my last blog, I got accepted into my chosen Uni, frantically did some last minute uni shopping (and realised the insane amount of things you need), moved into Uni and somehow we are now on week 8 of being here. That is absolutely insane. I definitely want to do a few posts on moving in, tips, tricks, struggles and all that jazz because it wasn't what I expected in more ways than one. However, today I wanted to talk, or rant, or vent about one of the biggest things that has happened to me in the last 8 weeks... I fractured my foot... partying. Oops!

Now I am not a super crazy party animal or anything but I love a night out as much as the next girl, and for me, a good night consists of lots of singing and dancing like a maniac. Now on this particualr night, the 11th of October 2018 to be specific, the club was packed and for some reason, everyone was particularly roudy. Now there are a couple of situations that may have led to my injury and the fact I am not sure which one fractured my foot, just goes to show how hectic it was. It is intirely possible that I was jumping around and dancing like a madwomen and somehow danced so aggressively I injured myself. I get very excited when the classics come on. However, I think the more likely situation is that I got trodden on. Like I said, everybody was very roudy that night (I also got a bottle thrown at my head and elbowed in the neck... fun!) and there were more than one insidence resulting in a big heavy human jumping on my foot (such fun!). 

I woke the next day in pain and I couldn't walk properly. I feel like the normal human response to this would be 'let's go to A&E' or at the very least 'let's go to the doctors', but no, not me. Instead I decided to hobble (literally) up to visit my friend and around campus for a few days. Finally on the 16th of October, after hobbling around almost in tears with the pain, I booked an emergency Drs appointment, which as it was on campus, I also hobbled to. Since I could technically weight bare on it, the nurse decided it was just tissue damage (I say just but tissue damage is painful and takes ages to heal) and told me to try walk on it, elevate, ice and take ibuprofen, and so that is what I did. Or at least I tried. 

The pain continued with no improvement and so I decided to book an actual doctors appointment. On the 26th of October, I had my appointment where the doctor also thought I had tissue damage but referred me for an X-ray just to be safe. I booked the next appointment available and on the 1st of Novemeber I went into the hospital to have my X-ray. The radiologist noticed something a little off around the area of my pain and so I was send down to A&E. There I waited a while, was assessed and told it was possible I had fractured my anterior proccess of the Calcaneaus (I think that is what it is called) and referred to the fracture clinic the next day. So on the 2nd of November, I went to the fracture clinic where the doctor agreed that with my pain, it was a fracture. Now at this point, the pain was starting to lessen for the first time since it began and so when offered a boot e.t.c I said I didn't need it (Spoiler alert: That was a very stupid decision). 

On the 6th of November I took a train back to uni (I went home for the weekend) where I had to stand for an hour and then spend 10 mins walking back to my halls with heavy bags. This flared up my injury and we were back to the same levels of pain as before. Then to make matters even better, it was my 21st birthday on the 8th of November. My friend and I already had tickets to a boat party and I wasn't about to let my foot get in the way. So, along with assistance of the open bar, I went out and had the best birthday. Despite the pain my foot was in the next day, I have no regrets because I had such a good night. Anyway, this just sent me right back to the start and I couldn't get about at all. I had been given an open appointment and so I called the fracture clinic with hopes of a boot or something to help me get about - I should probably interject here and tell you that my campus is pretty big and on a hill, so I physically could not get to my lectures and was missing quite a bit of work. 

Unfortunately the next appointment wasn't for a whole week, so while I took the appointment, I was told to go to A&E if it was that bad. Now I really didn't want to do this but 3 days after making the call, I decided I didn't have a choice. So, on the 13th of Novemeber, I went back to A&E where I had more X-rays (no changes) and sent to the physio department. The physiotherapist had a good look at my foot and listened to me have a breakdown about the stress and pain this foot has been causing me. She told me that as well as fracturing my foot, I sprained it and had tissue damage, then gave me a tube bandage thing to help with swelling and support, and a crutch to help me walk. Now I only use these when walking longer distances as too much use could make things worse in the long run, but oh my gosh they have helped me so much.

I used the crutch for the first time on Wednesday the 14th and I forgot that walking shouldn't make you want to cry. It has been a life saver! Now, I spend most of my time in my room with my foot elevated, iced (my current state), covered in essential oils to help the healing. Fingers crossed, the healing process will be quick and I will back on my feet (literally haha) soon, but boy, what a nusance it's been!

Now that I can actually get around, things are slowly getting back to some level of normality but I still spend alot of time resting and icing my foot, which is very frustrating, especially with everything going on at uni, the FOMO is real. BUT, this does mean I get some time for blogging which I am very happy about, silver linings right! (Another strange saying)

On that note, I should leave and try get some of this uni work done. Speaking of which, I would love to add some more studyesque posts to my blog, maybe a study with me or something of the sorts, I always find them so motivating!

Also, I think I might try add a question of the day to my blog posts incase anybody feels like connecting. Todays question: Have you ever broken a bone? If yes, how did you do it? 

Hope you have a lovely day,

Being sick for 2 years... and how it nearly destroyed me.

As mentioned in a previous post, I am transferring my blog posts from the last year (they were on a different site) so here is number 3 of 9! Enjoy!

This was originally posted on 20/06/2017.

Destroy'

verb

End the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it.

1. 1.1 Ruin (someone) emotionally or spiritually.
2. 1.2 Defeat (someone) utterly.
3. 1.3 Kill (a sick, savage, or unwanted animal) by humane means.

May 2017 marked the two year anniversary of me getting Lyme disease. Two whole years. That's 730 crazy long Lyme disease fighting days... and I didn't even get a card! I joke, I joke. This isn't the kind of anniversary you feel like celebrating. 

I've always tried to be pretty open with my battle against Lyme disease as it was and still is a massively significant part of my life. I would probably go as far as to say that it was one of, if not the hardest thing I have had to deal with. Even now, when physical health wise I am doing the best I have since this all began, it effects my daily life and I think that it always will. 

For some reason, I always try to play my illness down. But you know what? It was hard. In fact it was really hard. It was long and scary and it sucked. You don't go through something as significant and traumatising as that and come through unscathed. And I was no exception. 

Before I jump into this story, let's just talk about the word 'destroy' real quick. I was very hesitant to use this word in my post. It's quite a harsh word. Destroy. It's not a word I use often and it's definitely not a word I would typically use to talk about myself and my battle with Lyme... and yet I did. I do. The word 'destroy' sounds violent and extreme. It sounds dramatic. In fact that is one of the main reason I was so hesitant to use that word. I don't want to come across as some dramatic blogger begging for sympathy, because that really not my intention. But my battle with Lyme disease over the last two years has been detrimental in every sense. Not only did my physical body suffer a lot, but mentally it has drained me. I spent 2 years in a cloud of worry, fear and isolation. Not only in the physical sense (I spent an unhealthy amount of time in bed ... not by choice) but also mentally. I have the most amazing family and a good few solid friendships too, but I had never felt so alone in my life, and nothing could have changed that. Nothing that anybody could have said or done would have changed that. And as if that wasn't enough, my social life suffered. All my relationships with people suffered. Every single aspect of my life suffered in one way or another. Directly or indirectly. It suffered. I suffered. So I don't use the word 'destroy' easily. And I don't use it for sympathy. I use it because in a case like this, I think that maybe it can be justified. 

And now onto the meaty part of this post ...

I've been thinking about the topic of this post a lot over the last few days. I like to think that I am a very 'self-aware' kind of person. I often look at my actions and thoughts and feelings. I am always trying to work on myself and be a better person. I think it's in my personality. So, being the self-aware being that I am, I began to notice something about myself. Something which to you may seem like an unbelievably obvious thing but to me was hidden under some scary camouflage blanket in a dark corner of my room covered in cobwebs. So it was not so obvious to me. And here is what I discovered. 

I am not the same person I was before all of this illness shenanigans. 

(Meaning I am not the same person I was 2 years ago... Shocker.)

I told you it would seem obvious. See this is kind of how it went down.  I got sick May 2015. I thought it was the flu and I thought it would end in a couple of days, a week tops. But it did not. I thought 'wow I have got a real bad strain of flu! Give it a couple of weeks, it will be out of my system by then'. But it was not. I thought 'Oh the doctors will sort this out. In a week or two I will be back on my feet". But I was not. Are you starting to see a pattern here? I spent the entirety of my illness sitting and waiting for the storm to pass. I sat there hugging my knees as the wind whistled by and the thunder roared and the rain came hammering down. I sat there waiting for the storm to pass. I sat there hugging my knees, paralysed by this storm that only seemed to fall on me. Everyone around me got up and got on with their life. They made progress and had success and failure and kept moving forward anyway because that is how life works. All the while I hadn't moved an inch, because I couldn't. The storm hadn't passed. I sat there paralysed as I watched everyone around me get up and move on. Not move away, because they were always there supporting me as best they could, but moving on. As they should have by the way. I am not naive enough to think the entire would should come to a halt when my life appears to. I am only saying this to give you an insight as to how it felt. 

So I sat there and waited out the storm. I held tight and I waited it out. (Editing note: Scratch that. I fought it out. I fought real hard to get to where I am health wise and I should give my self credit for that. Ok. Proceed previous Holly...). Yet in my head, I thought when the storm had passed, I would just get up and everything would be the exact same. I thought I would feel the same. I thought everything around me would look the same. I thought I would be the same. I think subconsciously I thought that because I had put pause on my life, that life would just pause. Which it obviously didn't because life is real inconsiderate like that.... I'm joking. Kind of. Anyway, fast forward two years and the storm has almost passed. It's not quite gone. There is a still a drizzle and it's pretty gusty. but I can stand and I can see and I don't feel paralysed by the storm anymore. Let it be noted at this point that this was a very slow process of the storm passing and it didn't happen all at once because that is not how life works. But yes, I got up and I looked around. I thought I would see things exactly as I had left them and I thought I would see myself exactly as I was before. Yet that did not happen. I looked down to see a body full of bruises and battle scars. I looked weak. I looked around to see that I was not where I was before. I was in a completely unknown location, with no idea of how I go there, in a body that felt weak. I felt as if I had been abducted by aliens and then dropped back down to some crazy unknown planet. Pretty terrifying stuff.

I know I just threw out some pretty crazy metaphors, but I don't really know how else to explain it. So if you managed to understand anything that I just said, then congrats to you! 

So yes, I survived the storm. Now it goes without saying that my body is a bit of a mess. It just spent 2 years fighting every single day and quite frankly its exhausted. It will take a while before it's back to full health because it needs time to rest and repair and slowly build things back to the way they were before. But I kind of expected that. I mean, I was kind of hoping that one day I'd wake up full of energy and feeling great, but I know that health doesn't work like that. I fully expected my physical body to be feeling a little worn out after being unwell for so long. However, that wasn't what nearly destroyed me. I mean it sucked and it almost ruined my life, but I wouldn't use the word 'destroy'. No, what almost destroyed me was how I completely lost my 18th year of life. I spent my entire year of being 18 (as well as half my 17th year and half my 19th year) waiting out the storm. So when I finally came around, I was older but I had had none of those life experiences that make you feel older. I had missed the train. What almost destroyed me was how lost and alone I felt both during and after the storm. It wasn't the physical illness that almost destroyed me, but it was everything else.

"It wasn't the physical illness that almost destroyed me, but it was everything else"

Did you notice how I used the word 'almost'?

'almost'

Adverb

Not quite; very nearly.

Lyme disease has been a real pain in the butt. It flipped my world upside, shook it around a little (or a lot) and lobbed it into a brick wall. It did some real damage. Every single aspect of my life has suffered and it very nearly destroyed me. But it didn't. I got up, put one foot in front of the other and kept going forwards. It often feels like I'm walking in quick sand or some kind of thick mud, but I keep moving anyway. Its not easy and its not over, but it will be someday. Im almost cringing writing this because it just sounds so dramatic. But who knows maybe somebody needs to hear this. Maybe somebody needs to be told to stand up, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Small steps are bigger than no steps. Then one day you will realise that the quick sand became grass and you'll look back and notice that the storm is so far behind you that you can't even see it anymore. Just stand up, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. You can scream and cry and take a minute to rest if you need it. But then you get right back up and you keep moving forward. You don't look around to see where everyone else is. You focus on yourself and you keep. moving. forward.

... and breathe.  

That was pretty deep. I feel like I've just revealed part of my soul, haha! Sometimes I feel like writing about pizza and sometimes I feel like writing about my deepest darkest feelings and I guess today it was the latter. I hope this didn't sound too crazy and that my jumble of words and feeling came out as coherent sentences. I felt it was time for a way too personal and vulnerable post, it had been a while.

If anybody wants to share some equally scary and vulnerable stuff in the comments, I would highly encourage that. I always love having a natter in the comments. 

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change" - Brene Brown 

And on that note it is time for me to love you and leave you. I have waffled on for too long and in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure what I have just written. Anyway, I hope you are having a wonderful day and I will speak to you very soon! 

Holly Xx

P.s- You should totally subscribe to my emailing list if you want to be notified when I upload a new blog post!

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Cowden Support Programme || Week 1

In November 2015, I wrote this post about my struggle getting diagnosed with Lymes disease. Today I am going to be briefly updating you on where I am now and most importantly the treatment I am undergoing.

Firstly, let me apologise for abandoning my blog. It wasn't planned nor intentional but I feel I should explain what happened. Firstly, life got a little hectic. Between finishing school and trying to decide my next steps, holidays and my deteriorating health, my poor little blog got put aside. Even at times when I wasn't feeling too bad and nothing else to do, I felt a little lost with my blog. I felt my posts moving in a direction I wasn't happy with. However, I am back now and plan on continuing to post personal content I am happy with when I feel I can do so.

Now that that's out of the way, let's move onto this post...

Grapefruits and Sweet Potatoes.

So for those of you who know me personally, you may be aware of my obsession with sweet potatoes. I always avoided them when I was younger because they looked different and way too scary to try. However, one day I plucked up the courage to try them and never looked back. It was only to my great surprise when I discovered that they actually have a ton of health benefits too! Recently, upon my quest to be a little healthier, I was browsing Pinterest when I stumbled upon the amazing health benefits of grapefruits too. Being a lover of fruit I decided to add grapefruits into my diet and now each them most mornings when I can. So, for today's post I wanted to go over some of these benefits and share them with you.  Here are my top 3 health benefits of these foods...

Sweet Potatoes:

1- They have super high fibre!

With almost twice as much fibre as other potatoes, they are much slower burning.Bonus!

2- They are high in vitamins!

This includes vitamin B6 (helpful in reducing degenerative diseases), vitamin C (great for disease prevention), vitamin D (good for the immune system) and vitamin E (good for healthy skin and eyes). However, the best one in my opinion is the Vitamin A. A sweet potato provides you with your entire daily recommendation of vitamin A (useful in the prevention of cancer). These are just a few of the benefits of these vitamins but the list is endless!!

3- They help to keep to fuller for longer!

Sweet potatoes are a good source of manganese, meaning that not only do they help keep your body healthy, but they also help to stabilise your appetite helping you not to overeat! 

Grapefruits:

1- They are extremely rich in Vitamin C. 

This comes with a ton of benefits including better skin, better immunity and arguably reducing the risk of some cancers. 

2- They help to lower cholesterol.

Now I am no genius, but anything that helps to lower cholesterol must be good right? 

3- They are super hydrating!

Not quite as hydrating as watermelon but not too far away either, With so many of us being dehydrated, eating hydrating foods can be a great way to get that little extra water.

So there we have just a few of my favourite health benefits from these foods. I don't claim to be a nutritionist or anything like that. I just have been trying to eat healthier and getting to know what you're eating is very interesting I think.

I hope you have enjoyed this post and found it as interesting as I did.

Thanks for reading,

Holly X