Is blogging still alive in 2024?

 

Well hi there my little blog. Long time no see. I have spent the morning down memory lane and remembered just how much I used to love blogging. This year, I am on a quest to pursue the things I loved/ once loved in an attempt to reignite my love for hobbies. 

In an age of technology where there is always a series to binge, a YouTube video to watch or an app to scroll on, I feel the art of hobbies has been lost. And personally, that is not ok for me. I have always been a hobby girl. I loved my own company and would always find things to do as a child. I'm sure I got bored at times but I just don't remember feeling that boredom as a child and I feel in part that is because of my love of hobbies.

I truly think that hobbies make us more interesting, increase our resilience to stress and just help us enjoy the beauty of life. So with that in mind, I am trying to reignite my love of hobbies which has brought me back to my blog. I missed you.

Which brings me to my question... is blogging still a thing? I started my blog in 2013 and feel like blogging was all the rage at this time. But is the art of blogging still alive in 2024? I have no idea! I know I don't consume blog content in the same way I once did. Maybe the nature of blogging has just evolved and I am a little behind. Or maybe it's dying a death and I just need to accept that. 

In all honestly, I am not sure it really matters. I never started my blog with the intention of people reading it, as odd as that may sound. It was always just a fun creative outlet for me. At the end of the day, the beauty of a hobby is that they are something you do for fun, to please nobody but yourself. And maybe that is why they feel so important. Because as life goes on, and we prioritise stability and caring for those around us, rather than those who are being cared for, we can lose touch with ourselves and that selfishly necessary pleasure of pursuing things you enjoy. They help to shape us as individuals and help us feel fulfilled in our lives. 

 And on that note... I officially pronounce this blog - alive and well!

I would love to know... what hobbies have you carried to adulthood? How has your relationship with hobbies changed over time? 

With love,

Ya girl's got commitment issues.

Hey. It's me again. Only 4 months after my last post... oops. Look, I think it's pretty evident by this point, ya girl's got commitment issues. I say I want to blog more. I say how much I love it. I say how important it is to me. Yet for some unknown reason, I just cannot commit to it! Unfortunately for me, this is actually a bit of a pattern in my life these days and let me be the first to say, I am not a fan. 

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? So here I am. Admitting it. I get so excited about things. I fall in love with hobbies and skills and tasks... and then I just don't finish them, or I don't give them my all and then call it quits. It's a real problem and I think I need to figure out why this keeps happening. We love a bit of introspection don't we ladies (and guys who I will likely to still refer to as ladies). 

Firstly, let's take a glance back at my childhood (don't worry we are not going full-on childhood trauma here haha). As a child, I was a bit of a club-hopper. I very distinctly remember joining Brownies (I think this is kind of the UK girl-scout equivalent) and loving it. After a little while, it was time to buy the Brownie uniform ready for my little swearing in ceremony thing where I became an official Brownie. I can literally picture my mum standing there is the shop saying to me 'If I buy you all of this uniform, you have to promise you will stick with it' to which I responded something along the lines of 'Yes, I promise I will'. Somewhere between a few weeks to a few months later, my promise was broken as I decided Brownies was not for me. Sorry mum!

This situation repeated itself in some way or another, many times over my childhood/teenage years. There were certain things I stuck with for longer such as dance (although I was part of three different studios), choir and ice skating, but generally, I would tire and move onto my next obsession. Now, I am not saying this is always a bad thing. Since starting uni, I have come to love my 'multipotentialite' (see this TED talk to understand this reference) ways and grown to see just how valuable having multiple interests is. I get really excited and passionate about the things I love and throw myself into them. The issues comes a little later, usually when things get a little more difficult or somewhat boring and I just ... quit! I am little more aware of it these days and have a little (and I mean little) more self-discipline to hold my self accountable, but it is still an issue.

Another contributing factor to my ~commitment issues~ is possibly my past health issues. I have been pretty open about my struggling health over the years and boy has it taken a toll on me in almost every way possible. With regards to this specific issue (let's ignore all my other issues, for now, haha) over these years where my poor health has ruled my life, I have kind of been forced to let go of the possibility of commitment. By this I mean, I have had to let things go and straight up just quit sometimes because I have physically not been able to continue them. Now I know this isn't the same situation but I think as a result, knowing the dangers of pushing my self and the disastrous after-effects of doing so, I prematurely end things in fear of it getting to that point again. I mean it kind of makes sense when you think about it. 

So, maybe it's my personality, a result of my thinking patterns or the consequence of psychological trauma. Either way, it's an issue. But hey, they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? 

Well I, my friends, have commitment issues. 

Cheers!

A blogmas fail and a happy new year.

I guess this is going to be my first post of 2019. I love my blog and I was really feeling like 2019 was going to be the year I dedicated to my blog, but unfortunately life has had a different idea.

Firstly let me say how gutted I am that I failed at Blogmas 2018. This was my first ever attempt at Blogmas and honestly, considering my troubles with consistency, the fact I made it to day 11 was pretty impressive to me. Here is a little explanation as to why I failed (in the wonderful words of some well known person, it is only a failure if you fail to learn from it). Firstly, shiz got busy. I finished my Autumn semester on the 14th of December and that final week was busy. I had an assignment to stress over and bags to pack and socialising to do (because we made it through our first semester woooo!) and I was ill (more on that in a minute) and something had to drop. That something unfortunately being Blogmas. However, I really did love doing Blogmas and already am getting excited at the thought of trying it again this year. 

Now lets talk health. I have been pretty open with my health on my blog over the last few years as I have had my fair share (arguably more than my fair share) of struggles. Well, here we are facing another health struggle. This is the primary reason for my lack of blogging lately and why I almost didn't write this post. So here is my issue. I have had a headache everyday for 80 days straight. Along with these joyous headaches I would get vision problems. Then, on Boxing Day, I woke up with the headache, my eyes had gone funny and well, it's been that way ever since. Before, the headaches while annoying and a little concerning, were not consistent. Today is day 12 of my consistent headache and vision problems. There has not been one minute in the last 12 days that my head has not hurt and no medication is even touching it. It gets worse at certain points in the day. I get pretty bad nausea. My eyes are struggling and I just don't feel like myself. It's pretty scary stuff and has totally taken over my life.

Along with exams to revise for and assignments due, you can probably see why I have been struggling. Looking back at my past heath issues, I wish I had documented more. I was worried I would come off as whiney or dramatic or attention seeking, and so I held back until a good way into my health issues. While I don't know how serious or long lasting these current health issues will be compared to my Lyme journey (hopefully not as long!!!) I still want to document it. I want to document more of my life on here. The good, the bad and everything in-between.

However, this presented me with an issue. I want to blog and I want to document my life more vulnerably, but physically I am not in a place to be giving my blog the time and energy it requires for my posts to be of a good quality. So I was left with a question; do I blog at a lower quality than I would like or do I give blogging a break until my health is improved? 

I have been giving it a lot of thought and considering why I started blogging in the first place, have decided to just try upload some shabby posts. It breaks my heart a little but it won't be forever, and I know I will be grateful for these posts in the future. 

Now how was that for a long, chatty ramble.

I hope you're all slaying the new year and if you're not, be kind to yourself and try again tomorrow.

Peaks and valleys my friends, peaks and valleys.

The Christmas Blogger Tag | Blogmas 2018 | Day 11

What blogmas is complete without a Christmas tag? Not this one! For todays post I will be answering the infamous Blogger Christmas tag and I am so excited! I am a sucker for a tag whether I be reading, writing or watching it, I love a little nosey into someones life. So it feels only fitting to partake myself (even though I wasn't exactly tagged). If you decide to give the tag ago, let me know! I would love to read it!

What is your favourite Christmas film/s?

Ok this is such a difficult question for me because I honestly love them all! In fact, some of my favourite festive films have been those cheesy Hallmark ones on the Christmas movie channel. But, if I had to pick a favourite, it's got to be elf! It is an absolute classic and I never ever tire of it. *Contemplates stopping writing to go and watch elf*

Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

Christmas morning, although we usually get to open a present on Christmas eve that is usally pyjamas or some cosy clothing to snuggle down in! I have actually never heard of people opening all the presents on Christmas eve... is that a thing?

Do you have a favourite Christmas memory?

I feel really fortunate in that all my Christmas memories are full of love and laughter. But, if i had to pick one, I would have to say the year my sister and I both got our first Nintendo DS. We wanted them so badly and there was pure excitement when we opened them. I believe our conversation went a little something like this... *we opened them at the same time but my sister got into hers a little quicker than me* My sister: Oh my gosh. I am going to scream in 3...2... Me: *screams* My sister: 1! *screams*. We then proceeded to play on them all day! Now I really want to go play animal crossing on my DS and pay my sister 300 bells to de-weed my whole town.

Favourite gift?

There are so many! My family are such great gift givers I guess. I mean, if I had to pick, the DS I just mentioned is definitely up there!

Favourite festive food?

Ok now this is a difficult one. Everything about festive food is to die for. Literally the best time of the year and the reason I end Christmas 30lbs heavier. I think it might be a toss up between pigs in blankets and yule log!

Favourite festive scent?

Being in Uni halls this year, I haven't had a chance to burn my favourite Christmas candles like I normally do, so I am really struggling with this question. Literally anything that makes me think 'Christmas!' I adore. 

Do you have any Christmas Eve traditions?

We always do the one comfy gift thing as I mentioned before, but we also usually do something with my Dad which is always so much fun. It used to be the pantomime, but now we usually go to the cinema. Now that everyone is getting older, I really love having that time to just be with my family and do something together. I literally love spending time with my family and it's always a real laugh. This is kind of the moment that actual Christmas begins for me.  I love it!

What tops your tree?

I think it's usually either a star or an angel, depending what we get to first in the Christmas decor box. 

 As a kid what was the one (crazy, wild, extravagant) gift you always asked for but never received?

I honestly cannot remember and the things I would do to read my old Santa letters with my wish list! It was probably some super overprices Bratz toy or a giraffe or something.

What’s the best part about Christmas for you?

As cliche as it sounds, it's just spending time with my family.  Cooking with my mum, watching my brothers and sisters open their gifts, snuggling down for the festive films and tv,  seeing everyones reactions to the gifts I gave them and of course playing the Christmas games. *I am litterly getting so excited writing this!*

So there we have the Christmas Blogger Tag! I really do love a good blogger tag and if you're reading this, then I tag you! 

I hope you're having a lovely day and I will speak to you tomorrow,

6 Books You Will Want to Read in a Day.

As mentioned in a previous post, I am transferring my blog posts from the last year (they were on a different site) so here is number 7 of 9! Enjoy!

This was originally posted on 03/08/2017.

It's no secret that I am a bookworm. My love of books goes way back and I've had a book in my hand for as long as I can remember. So in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure why it's taken me so long to incorporate books into my blog. I have done the occasional review or book-related post, but I definitely want to start making it a more regular thing. As you have probably figured out from the title, here are 6 books that you will want to read in a day... at least I did! These are all books that I have read and couldn't put down. You may notice that they are all in the teen/young adult romance kind of genre. This genre is honestly one of my favourites. I love a lot of different genres but I often find that these are the 'I can't put it down' kind of books which I adore. So, I have waffled on enough... I give you 6 books you will want to read in a day!

1. Everything Everything

Everything, Everything

At this point, 'Everything, Everything' is a pretty well-known book and has even been made into a film. So it's apparent that I am not the only fan. I read this book last summer when I was on holiday in Egypt and let me tell you, it is the perfect sit by the pool and read a book. I was thoroughly gripped by this book and the characters and I can't wait to see the film adaption too. 

"Madeline Whittier is allergic to the outside world.

So allergic, in fact, that she has never left the house in all of her seventeen years.

But when Olly moves in next door, and wants to talk to Maddy,

tiny holes start to appear in the protective bubble her mother has built around her.

Olly writes his IM address on a piece of paper, shows it at her window,

and suddenly, a door opens.

Maddy is certainly going to fall in love with Olly.

It's almost certainly going to be a disaster."

2. If I Stay

If I Stay


This is also a pretty well-known book which got made into a film. I actually watched the film before discovering the book and honestly, I love them both. There is also a second book to this story (which hasn't been made into a film... yet *please*) and I loved seeing how the characters developed. This is such a gripping story and was just another put I simply could not put down.

"For seventeen-year-old Mia, surrounded by a wonderful family,

friends and a gorgeous boyfriend decisions might seem tough,

but they're all about a future full of music and love,

a future that's brimming with hope.

But life can change in an instant.

A cold February morning ...a snowy road ...

and suddenly all of Mia's choices are gone.

Except one.

As alone as she'll ever be, Mia must make the most difficult choice of all.

Haunting, heartrending and ultimately life-affirming,

If I Stay will make you appreciate all that you have,

all that you've lost - and all that might be."

3. Matched

 
Matched  

'Matched' is actually part of the series I am currently reading! I am on book 2/3 and loving it. If you love dystopian society books then you will love this. I know some people find dystopian society books almost repetitive but I honestly love them and I love a series even more. I often find with series you almost grow with the characters and you end up feeling attached to them, which of course makes the end of a book that much more painful... but its worth it.

"On her seventeenth birthday, Cassia meets her Match.

Society dictates he is her perfect partner for life.

Except he's not.

In Cassia's society, Officials decide who people love.

How many children they have.

Where they work. When they die.

But, as Cassia finds herself falling in love with another boy,

she is determined to make some choices of her own."

4. Eleanor & Park

Eleanor & Park

'Eleanor & Park' is actually a book I read a little while ago but I decided to include it because I remember really really liking it. Rainbow Rowell has another book that was quite popular called 'Fangirl' that I believe was in Zoella's book club. So if you ever read that then there is a good chance you'll enjoy this. I think Rainbow Rowell does a good job of writing relatable books that also delve into some more serious issues and I love her style of writing. 

"Eleanor is the new girl in town, and she's never felt more alone.

All mismatched clothes, mad red hair and chaotic home life,

 she couldn't stick out more if she tried.

Then she takes the seat on the bus next to Park.

Quiet, careful and - in Eleanor's eyes - impossibly cool,

Park's worked out that flying under the radar is the best way to get by.

Slowly, steadily, through late-night conversations and an ever-growing stack of mix tapes,

Eleanor and Park fall in love.

They fall in love the way you do the first time, when you're 16,

and you have nothing and everything to lose."

5. Holding up the universe 

Holding Up the Universe

This book is actually written by Jennifer Niven, the author of 'All the brightplaces'. Now don't kill me but I haven't actually read that yet (I know, I know I'm getting to it) but I know that it has been a massive hit, so if you loved that then you will love this for sure. I love Jennifer Nivens writing style and I adored these characters. I seriously loved this one.

"Everyone thinks they know Libby Strout, the girl once dubbed 'America's Fattest Teen'.

But no one's taken the time to look past her weight to get to see who she really is.

Since her mum's death, she's been picking up the pieces in the privacy of her home,

dealing with her heartbroken father and her own grief.

Now, Libby's ready: for high school, for new friends, for love,

and for EVERY POSSIBILITY LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

I know the part I want to play here at MVB High. I want to be the girl who can do anything.

Everyone thinks they know Jack Masselin too.

Yes, he's got swagger, but he's also mastered the art of fitting in.

What no one knows is that Jack has a secret: he can't recognize faces.

Even his own brothers are strangers to him.

He's the guy who can re-engineer and rebuild anything,

but he can't understand what's going on with the inner workings of his own brain.

So he tells himself to play it cool: Be charming. Be hilarious. Don't get too close to anyone.

Until he meets Libby.

When the two get tangled up in a cruel high school game which lands them in group counseling,

Libby and Jack are both angry, and then surprised.

Because the more time they spend together, the less alone they feel. Because sometimes when you meet someone, it changes the world - theirs and yours. "

6. Saint Anything
 

Saint Anything

Now I love Sarah Dessen books with a passion. Every single one of her books I could (and have) read in a day. I am pretty sure they are aimed for an audience a bit younger than I am, but honestly I don't care. Sarah Dessen writes in a way that literally leaves you unable to put the book down.

"Peyton, Sydney's charismatic older brother, has always been the star of the family,

receiving the lion's share of their parents' attention and - lately - concern.

When Peyton's increasingly reckless behaviour culminates in an accident,

a drunk driving conviction, and a jail sentence, Sydney is cast adrift,

searching for her place in the family and the world.

When everyone else is so worried about Peyton,

is she the only one concerned about the victim of the accident?

Enter the Chathams, a warm, chaotic family who run a pizza parlour,

play bluegrass on weekends and pitch in to care for their mother,

who has multiple sclerosis. Here Sydney experiences unquestioning acceptance.

And here she meets Mac: gentle, watchful, and protective,

who makes Sydney feel seen, really seen, for the first time."

So, there we have 6 books you will want to read in a day. As a fellow book lover, I love hearing other peoples book recommendations so feel free to leave yours in the comments.

Thanks for reading and I will speak to you soon,

Holly X

DISCLAIMER: AFFILIATE LINKS INCLUDED

Are 40s the new 20s?

Technically speaking, at the time of writing this, I have been in my 20s for 263 days. Now compared to the (God willing) 3650 days that my 20s will consist of, this is only a fraction of that time. However, those 263 days have been enough to convince me that your 20s are really not all rainbows and sunshine like so many people like to say they are. 

I mean, I think the vast majority of us can have heard the old 'Oh I wish I was in my 20s again' or 'Oh to be in your 20s'. Whether it be on TV, some other form of media or even in person, it's a pretty common phrase. So you can probably imagine my disappointment when 263 days into my 20s, I realised that actually at least 230 of those 263 days were more than a bit of a struggle. Now don't get me wrong, there have been good (even great) times but as a whole, it's been filled with anxiety, stress and a whole lot of 'what the heck am I doing?!', and the thing is, I am not alone!

A lot of my friends have also been feeling the same way, which led to me questioning... Are the 20s really all they're cracked up to be? With this in mind, the other day I was having a nice little chat with my Aunt (i.e. one of my favourite people ever) where she mentioned that the 40s were great because you just don't care what people think of you anymore. A couple of people agreed and I have definitely heard my mum say the same thing numerous times over the last few years, so there has been some pretty solid evidence. I mentioned my personal experience and thoughts about the 20s and how so far, it was pretty rough. Much to my surprise, my aunt completely agreed and said that being in your 20s really is a difficult time. You're trying to find who you are and what you want to do, all while trying to fit in. It's a mess!

A little shocked, I asked why people always wish they were in their 20s again. My Aunt told me that actually, people wish they could do their 20s again but with their 40s mindset, knowing all they know now. This was very interesting to me and I have been thinking about it all week. Are the 40s the new 20s?

Maybe they are, and I guess I won't know for sure until I reach that age. But, I am inpatient. I don't want to wait 20 years so I can look back at how rough my 20s were. I want to stop things in their path and change the outcome. Is it possible that with this new knowledge, I can make my 20s, 30s, 40s and more equally full of joy and acceptance and love? Well, I am certainly going to try. So far, I have discovered that choosing not to care about judgement and fitting in, is a massive step in the right direction, and so that is where I will begin. This has always been a massive struggle for me and I am excited to see the changes that flourish from it.

Your 20s should be full of learning, and a big part of learning is failure. I am 100% certain I will 'fail' at times, but is it really failure if you learn from your mistakes? I don't think so.

Sorry this has been such a rambly post but it's just been something on my mind lately. If you made it this far AND managed to understand what I was saying, then well done to you! 

What do you think? Are 40s the new 20s?

Thanks for reading and be sure to follow the blog!

Holly X 

P.s. How is it Auguest already!!!

Being sick for 2 years... and how it nearly destroyed me.

As mentioned in a previous post, I am transferring my blog posts from the last year (they were on a different site) so here is number 3 of 9! Enjoy!

This was originally posted on 20/06/2017.

Destroy'

verb

End the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it.

1. 1.1 Ruin (someone) emotionally or spiritually.
2. 1.2 Defeat (someone) utterly.
3. 1.3 Kill (a sick, savage, or unwanted animal) by humane means.

May 2017 marked the two year anniversary of me getting Lyme disease. Two whole years. That's 730 crazy long Lyme disease fighting days... and I didn't even get a card! I joke, I joke. This isn't the kind of anniversary you feel like celebrating. 

I've always tried to be pretty open with my battle against Lyme disease as it was and still is a massively significant part of my life. I would probably go as far as to say that it was one of, if not the hardest thing I have had to deal with. Even now, when physical health wise I am doing the best I have since this all began, it effects my daily life and I think that it always will. 

For some reason, I always try to play my illness down. But you know what? It was hard. In fact it was really hard. It was long and scary and it sucked. You don't go through something as significant and traumatising as that and come through unscathed. And I was no exception. 

Before I jump into this story, let's just talk about the word 'destroy' real quick. I was very hesitant to use this word in my post. It's quite a harsh word. Destroy. It's not a word I use often and it's definitely not a word I would typically use to talk about myself and my battle with Lyme... and yet I did. I do. The word 'destroy' sounds violent and extreme. It sounds dramatic. In fact that is one of the main reason I was so hesitant to use that word. I don't want to come across as some dramatic blogger begging for sympathy, because that really not my intention. But my battle with Lyme disease over the last two years has been detrimental in every sense. Not only did my physical body suffer a lot, but mentally it has drained me. I spent 2 years in a cloud of worry, fear and isolation. Not only in the physical sense (I spent an unhealthy amount of time in bed ... not by choice) but also mentally. I have the most amazing family and a good few solid friendships too, but I had never felt so alone in my life, and nothing could have changed that. Nothing that anybody could have said or done would have changed that. And as if that wasn't enough, my social life suffered. All my relationships with people suffered. Every single aspect of my life suffered in one way or another. Directly or indirectly. It suffered. I suffered. So I don't use the word 'destroy' easily. And I don't use it for sympathy. I use it because in a case like this, I think that maybe it can be justified. 

And now onto the meaty part of this post ...

I've been thinking about the topic of this post a lot over the last few days. I like to think that I am a very 'self-aware' kind of person. I often look at my actions and thoughts and feelings. I am always trying to work on myself and be a better person. I think it's in my personality. So, being the self-aware being that I am, I began to notice something about myself. Something which to you may seem like an unbelievably obvious thing but to me was hidden under some scary camouflage blanket in a dark corner of my room covered in cobwebs. So it was not so obvious to me. And here is what I discovered. 

I am not the same person I was before all of this illness shenanigans. 

(Meaning I am not the same person I was 2 years ago... Shocker.)

I told you it would seem obvious. See this is kind of how it went down.  I got sick May 2015. I thought it was the flu and I thought it would end in a couple of days, a week tops. But it did not. I thought 'wow I have got a real bad strain of flu! Give it a couple of weeks, it will be out of my system by then'. But it was not. I thought 'Oh the doctors will sort this out. In a week or two I will be back on my feet". But I was not. Are you starting to see a pattern here? I spent the entirety of my illness sitting and waiting for the storm to pass. I sat there hugging my knees as the wind whistled by and the thunder roared and the rain came hammering down. I sat there waiting for the storm to pass. I sat there hugging my knees, paralysed by this storm that only seemed to fall on me. Everyone around me got up and got on with their life. They made progress and had success and failure and kept moving forward anyway because that is how life works. All the while I hadn't moved an inch, because I couldn't. The storm hadn't passed. I sat there paralysed as I watched everyone around me get up and move on. Not move away, because they were always there supporting me as best they could, but moving on. As they should have by the way. I am not naive enough to think the entire would should come to a halt when my life appears to. I am only saying this to give you an insight as to how it felt. 

So I sat there and waited out the storm. I held tight and I waited it out. (Editing note: Scratch that. I fought it out. I fought real hard to get to where I am health wise and I should give my self credit for that. Ok. Proceed previous Holly...). Yet in my head, I thought when the storm had passed, I would just get up and everything would be the exact same. I thought I would feel the same. I thought everything around me would look the same. I thought I would be the same. I think subconsciously I thought that because I had put pause on my life, that life would just pause. Which it obviously didn't because life is real inconsiderate like that.... I'm joking. Kind of. Anyway, fast forward two years and the storm has almost passed. It's not quite gone. There is a still a drizzle and it's pretty gusty. but I can stand and I can see and I don't feel paralysed by the storm anymore. Let it be noted at this point that this was a very slow process of the storm passing and it didn't happen all at once because that is not how life works. But yes, I got up and I looked around. I thought I would see things exactly as I had left them and I thought I would see myself exactly as I was before. Yet that did not happen. I looked down to see a body full of bruises and battle scars. I looked weak. I looked around to see that I was not where I was before. I was in a completely unknown location, with no idea of how I go there, in a body that felt weak. I felt as if I had been abducted by aliens and then dropped back down to some crazy unknown planet. Pretty terrifying stuff.

I know I just threw out some pretty crazy metaphors, but I don't really know how else to explain it. So if you managed to understand anything that I just said, then congrats to you! 

So yes, I survived the storm. Now it goes without saying that my body is a bit of a mess. It just spent 2 years fighting every single day and quite frankly its exhausted. It will take a while before it's back to full health because it needs time to rest and repair and slowly build things back to the way they were before. But I kind of expected that. I mean, I was kind of hoping that one day I'd wake up full of energy and feeling great, but I know that health doesn't work like that. I fully expected my physical body to be feeling a little worn out after being unwell for so long. However, that wasn't what nearly destroyed me. I mean it sucked and it almost ruined my life, but I wouldn't use the word 'destroy'. No, what almost destroyed me was how I completely lost my 18th year of life. I spent my entire year of being 18 (as well as half my 17th year and half my 19th year) waiting out the storm. So when I finally came around, I was older but I had had none of those life experiences that make you feel older. I had missed the train. What almost destroyed me was how lost and alone I felt both during and after the storm. It wasn't the physical illness that almost destroyed me, but it was everything else.

"It wasn't the physical illness that almost destroyed me, but it was everything else"

Did you notice how I used the word 'almost'?

'almost'

Adverb

Not quite; very nearly.

Lyme disease has been a real pain in the butt. It flipped my world upside, shook it around a little (or a lot) and lobbed it into a brick wall. It did some real damage. Every single aspect of my life has suffered and it very nearly destroyed me. But it didn't. I got up, put one foot in front of the other and kept going forwards. It often feels like I'm walking in quick sand or some kind of thick mud, but I keep moving anyway. Its not easy and its not over, but it will be someday. Im almost cringing writing this because it just sounds so dramatic. But who knows maybe somebody needs to hear this. Maybe somebody needs to be told to stand up, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Small steps are bigger than no steps. Then one day you will realise that the quick sand became grass and you'll look back and notice that the storm is so far behind you that you can't even see it anymore. Just stand up, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. You can scream and cry and take a minute to rest if you need it. But then you get right back up and you keep moving forward. You don't look around to see where everyone else is. You focus on yourself and you keep. moving. forward.

... and breathe.  

That was pretty deep. I feel like I've just revealed part of my soul, haha! Sometimes I feel like writing about pizza and sometimes I feel like writing about my deepest darkest feelings and I guess today it was the latter. I hope this didn't sound too crazy and that my jumble of words and feeling came out as coherent sentences. I felt it was time for a way too personal and vulnerable post, it had been a while.

If anybody wants to share some equally scary and vulnerable stuff in the comments, I would highly encourage that. I always love having a natter in the comments. 

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change" - Brene Brown 

And on that note it is time for me to love you and leave you. I have waffled on for too long and in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure what I have just written. Anyway, I hope you are having a wonderful day and I will speak to you very soon! 

Holly Xx

P.s- You should totally subscribe to my emailing list if you want to be notified when I upload a new blog post!

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